The Three Employees - 4

 Two Birds with One Stone

Everyone had gathered in the conference room.

Boss: …so the profit is going to be quite high this year. Now, as I said, I don’t want to show a high profit and pay away a lot as taxes. So any suggestions on how to bring it down a little?

Employee One (after a lot of thought): The old car sir; lets sell it real cheap and buy a new one in its place. That way we can write off the loss on sale of car to the profit and also claim depreciation on the new car.

 

Employee Two: If you’re buying something buy new computers. The systems we use now are really outdated. Of course we can sell the old systems and charge the loss on sale to the profit. The depreciation claim will be higher too in case of computers.

 

Boss (slightly irritated): Well, what do you want to buy?

 

Employee Three: I don’t think this buying and selling will work sir. I’m sure the tax officer will be able to see right through our scheme. If we want to dress up a profit and loss account the best thing would be to go to the professionals about it.

Boss: Ah, someone is talking sense at last! Well, what do you suggest we do?

 

Employee Three: You should meet a Chartered Accountant, sir and discuss what we can do to raise the profit a little.

 

Boss: Raise? You mean reduce.

 

Employee Three: No sir I mean raise. If you spend two hours with a Chartered Accountant he will raise a splendid bill for consultancy fee. When we charge that to the profit it will be so low that we will be worried to bring it back to normal. So instead of taking a second consultation and a second bill for asking how to raise the profit it would be better off to ask in the first consultation itself about raising the profit. We can follow his advice after we have reduced the profit by charging his bill. It’s hitting two birds with the same stone.

 

Boss: Splendid! How did you think of this? All this while I was thinking that you were the silliest of the three!

 

Employee Three: Experience sir. Yesterday I heard you talking on phone about high profits and guessed what the discussion would be about today. I thought I would impress you with good suggestions to bring down profits and met with a Chartered Accountant. We spoke a lot. I didn’t understand most of what he said but do you know how much he charged me for the hour? You’ll be shocked!

-Vijay Krishna

The Three Employees - 3

 Robbed

Boss (Looking into the Muster Roll): He’s late again. He’s been coming in late ever since his marriage and he comes with all sorts of lame excuses. What’s it this time?

Employee One: This time it’s serious sir. He’s at the police station.

Boss (Shocked): What?!

Employee Two: He’s been robbed sir. He’s gone to file an FIR.

Boss (being relieved and concerned): Oh really… One of you could have gone to help him. Do you know what happened?

Employee Two: It was his greatest nightmare sir. In a way he was expecting it. He was always worried about being robbed. He lives in a small one BHK apartment. It isn’t such a peaceful area; surrounded by all sorts of people. He was worried about something like this.

Employee One: His luck was changing sir, with marriage. His mother and uncles had gifted him many valuables; old family heirlooms, jewellery, some antiques and cash. His wife had brought a lot as dowry too, though he had refused. He was finally hoping to see better times.

Employee Two: This of course got him more worried than he already was. He went out of his way to prevent a robbery. He took all sorts of precautions. He brought a mini locker and a dog. He was planning to shift to somewhere better soon but for the time being he was satisfied.

Later in the afternoon…

Employee Three: Good Day Sir. Sorry I’m late. I was at the police station…

Boss: I know, they told me. So how did it go? Any progress? Did you have any suspects? Did they make you pick from their usual crime records or did they make a sketch?

Employee Three: Suspects? Sketch? Why make a sketch when I had a photo?

Boss (Surprised): You mean, you know who robbed you? You saw the thief?

Employee Three: Yes of course I saw.

Boss: How did you get a photo? Do you have CC TV Cameras at home?

Employee Three: No, I had a photo all along.

Boss: What do you mean?

Employee Three: It was my wife sir, she had a long standing affair but apparently married me just because her people were forcing her, she’s run away to be with her lover and she took my dog! He was a good breed sir, a trained watch dog! He was worth about fifty thousand.

Employee Two (laughing): You mean, your wife ran away with your dog!

Boss: Well, at least you still have all the valuables and your money.

Employee Three: I hope so sir.

Boss: What do you mean?

Employee Three: Sometimes I forget sir, so it was my wife who had the password to the locker!

-Vijay Krishna

The Three Employees - 2

 Work Done Register

Boss called the three employees to his room. He had just examined their work done register.

Boss: What is this? Is this the way to keep a work done? You haven’t described, what you did, properly. Can’t you write one or two lines describing the job you did? You have just written the name of the client not what you did for him.

And what is this? All three of you have written the name of this guy and I still see his name in the pending work list. Are you guys working at all or are you making all this up?

The employees remained silent.

Boss: Well? What work did you do for this guy?

Employee one: I received the files from him sir. Check the inward register. You’ll see my sign!

Boss: You call that work? What about you?

Employee two: I went through his files, sir, and prepared a work schedule. I’ll catch up with it soon! The work would be over before you know it!

Boss: It better. And why is his name on your book?

Employee three: I’m the one who actually did some work sir! Actual work; unlike receiving files or preparing a schedule! It’s because of me that we are even discussing this right now!

Boss: What did you do?

Employee three: I’m the one who put the guy’s name on the pending work list!

-Vijay Krishna

The Three Employees - 1

Good Day

An angry boss greeted as he entered office (late): Good Morning!

Employee one: Good afternoon… Sir.

Boss (Angry at being corrected): GOOD AFTERNOON

Employee Two (Looked at the clock; it was just past four): Good evening…Sir.

Boss (angrier): GOOD EVENING

Employee Three (‘Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening…What’s Left for me?’): Well…Good Night everyone!!

Boss: GET OUT YOU BUNCH OF NO GOOD…***…***

And from that day greeting in office was limited to Good Day!

-Vijay Krishna